Sledging - It Ain't Cricket !

"How's your wife and my kids?" asked Australian wicket keeper Rod Marsh from behind the stumps to the Ian Botham who had come into bat. "The wife's fine," replied Ian, "but the kids are retarded."

Well aren’t sledging and Ashes like two sides of same coin! Come to think of, Cricket is not just a mere contest between bat and ball, but it’s largely a battle of wits. No wonder players with good temperament and cricketing intelligence become world champions. It is this mental ability and temperament that opponents like to test.

Well as long as this is challenged in a fair manner, Cricket still resembles a Gentleman’s game. But there are times when players use humorous banter to distract their opponent and sometimes tend to cross the line using orchestrated personal abuse and derogatory language. This is generally referred as sledging.

Basically sledging describes the practice whereby players try to get under the opponents skin by provoking, insulting or verbally intimidating the opposing player. The objective is to disturb the opponent's concentration, thereby causing them to make mistakes or underperform.

Sledging, banter, remonstration, abuse, ripostes have been an integral part of the game and like everything in cricket, it also has ancient antecedents. For instance, when W.G. Grace was given out leg-before, he refused to walk and told the bowler: "They came to watch me bat, not you bowl". And the innings continued.

In his riveting book ‘Stiff Upper Lips and Baggy Green Caps’, Simon Briggs presents a succinct history of sledging. He states that, Englishmen were the pioneers and Dr W.G. Grace was an early leader, and believed they had the divine right to use any methods to beat the colonials. Interestingly in the same age of cavaliers, Warwick Armstrong from Australia gave it back to them. In the modern era, sledging was blatantly practiced by Aussies. Ian Chappell’s mob labelled as ‘Ugly Australian’ were the leaders and later Allan Border, Merv Hughes, Steve Waugh continued this practice. Steve Waugh even coined a new cricketing neologism - Mental disintegration!

Its not just sledging but we have also witnessed players getting into argument with the umpires. There aren’t many players like Gavaskar and Gilchrist who walk even before the umpire has raised his finger. Instead of emulating these legendary players or even for that matter, the batting skills of Dr W.G. Grace, the modern batsmen seem to emulate Grace's ability to stand his ground. Once, when the ball knocked off a bail, he replaced it and told the umpire: "Twas the wind which took thy bail orf, good sir." The umpire replied: "Indeed, doctor, and let us hope thy wind helps the good doctor on thy journey back to the pavilion."

The best W.G Grace sledge was on him, though, not from him. Charles Kortright had dismissed him on few times in a county game - only for the umpires to keep turning down his appeals. Finally, he uprooted two of Grace's three stumps. Grace stalled, as though waiting for a no-ball call or something, before reluctantly walking off with Kortright's words in his ears: "Surely you're not going, doctor? There's still one stump standing."

While many of us appreciate the technical side of cricket, it is equally true that good humoured banter spices up the game and can also be counter-productive. Remember Javed Miandad imitating Kiran More and jumping on the wicket to express his irritation with More’s constant chattering behind the stumps. Who can forget Dravid’s brilliant century against the Proteas when Allan Donald ruffled him? And in the Nottingham test, Zaheer Khan ended up taking nine wickets after he was greeted by the English players with jelly beans on the wicket. Venkatesh Prasad uprooting the stumps of Aamer Sohail immediately after being sledged and clobbered for a boundary will always remain etched in our memory.

Here’s a list of some good cricketing anecdotes, witty banter and sledging … What's somewhat unique is the angle from which one looks at them - mainly, funny or provocative things that were said, and brief looks at the personalities who said them.

Graham Gooch got a chilling welcome to Test Cricket. In his debut test, as he wandered out to bat, Gooch greeted Ian Chappell, the Australia captain, with a polite, “Good morning, Ian.”
“What’s so f**king good about it?” came the immediate reply. Gooch was then dismissed without scoring.

Harbhajan must have slapped his own countrymen, but there are also instances of teammates sledging each other. Now this one’s simply hilarious that involved Fred Trueman and Raman Subba Row. England were playing Pakistan and, at what turned out to be a crucial moment later on, Trueman managed to get an outside edge off a Pakistani batsman after the batsman had been frustrating them on a hot sweaty day. The ball went right through the hands of Raman Subba Row who was standing in first slip and through his legs. After the over Raman heads over to the bowler and says, "Sorry Fred, I should've closed my legs." Fred Trueman, who didn't find any of this amusing, quipped back, "No, you bastard, your mother should have."

Another instance of same team members having fun.

David Gower: Do you want Gatt (Mike Gatting) a foot wider?
Chris Cowdrey: No. He'd burst.

England were set a huge target by Australia and Maurice Leyland batting with a youngster was being made to run hard for singles. Leyland said, "Steady up lad, we can't get them all tonight, you know".

Or savour this - "In my day 58 beers between London and Sydney would have virtually classified you as a teetotaler." - Ian Chappell on being informed that David Boon had consumed 58 beers on team flight to England in 1989. Boon claimed that he was afraid of flying.

Even umpires come up with humorous banter. This is "From the Pavilion End" by Harold "Dickie" Bird.

"Bomber" Wells, a spin bowler and great character, played for Gloucestershire and Nottinghamshire. He used to bat at No.11 since one couldn't bat any lower. Of him, they used to paraphrase Compton's famous words describing and equally inept runner; "When he shouts 'YES' for a run, it is merely the basis for further negotiations!"

Incidentally, Compton was no better. John Warr said, of Compton "He was the only person who would call you for a run and wish you luck at the same time." Anyway, when Wells played for Gloucestershire, he had an equally horrendous runner as the No.10. During a county match, horror of horrors.......both got injured. *Both* opted for runners when it was their turn to bat. Bomber played a ball on the off, called for a run, forgot he had a runner and ran himself. Ditto at the other end. In the melee, someone decided that a second run was on. Now we had *all four* running. Due to the confusion and constant shouts of "YES" "NO", eventually, *all* of them ran to the same end. Note - at this point in time, the entire ground is rolling on the floor laughing their behinds out. One of the fielders - brave lad - stops laughing for a minute, picks the ball and throws down the wicket at the other end. Umpire Alec Skelding looks very seriously at the four and calmly informs them "One of you buggers is out. I don't know which. *You* decide and inform the bloody scorers!"

Well this is just the beginning, for the best sledging and banter with some fruity dialect takes place during The Ashes…

1. Bill Woodfull, Australia’s captain in the Bodyline series of 1932-33, responding to Douglas Jardine's complaint that a slip fielder had called him bastard: “All right, which one of you bastards called this bastard a bastard?”

2. “Take a good look at this arse of mine; you'll see plenty of it this summer.” - David Steele to Rodney Marsh

3. Australia fighting for a win nearing the end of a Test Match, Fred Trueman at the crease. The Aus captain has plenty of close in fielders, whose shadows fall on the wicket. Fredie finds this objectionable. 'Ere, if you lads don't back off, I'll appeal for bad light!"

4. Sometimes sledging can be quite subtle. Imagine, for example, how England’s Phil Edmonds felt when he took guard to bat and heard the Aussie wicketkeeper Timothy Zoehrer chirp: "At least I have an identity. You're only Frances Edmond’s husband."

5. Mark Waugh: F**k me, look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here, there's no way you're good enough to play for England.
James Ormond: Maybe not, but at least I'm the best player in my family.

6. “Don't bother shutting it, son, you won't be there long enough.” - Fred Truman to incoming Aussie batsman as he opened the gate on his way out to the middle at Lord's

7. Tap that one down you little b*stard. - Tony Lock bowls a bouncer at Richie Benaud following a prolonged spell of gardening

8. You are a damned lot of sneaks.- WG Grace to Midwinter, The Oval, 1877

9. Well bowled Harold! - Douglas Jardine after Larwood fells Woodfull with a ball in the chest

10. Hell, Gatt, move out of the way, I can't see the stumps. - Dennis Lillee

11. Mate, if you turn the bat over, you'll see the instructions on the back! - Merv Hughes to Grahame Hick

12. Merv Hughes: You can't f**king bat.
Robin Smith after hitting the next ball to the fence: Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can't f**king bat and you can't f**king bowl.

13. Warne bowling to Atherton in Australia during an Ashes series. Atherton nicks one into Ian Healy's gloves but doesn't walk and is given not out. Healy: "You f***ing cheat"
Atherton: "When in Rome Old Boy" said in his best Oxbridge voice!!

14. Derek Randall to Lillee, after taking a glancing blow to the head: “No good hitting me there, mate, nothing to damage.”

15. Ian Healy, placing a fielder yards away at cover when Nasser Hussain was batting: “Let's have you right under Nasser's nose.”

16. Tony Greig, England’s South African-born captain, to the young David Hookes, 1977: “When are your balls going to drop, Sonny?”
Hookes: “I don't know, but at least I'm playing cricket for my own country.” Hookes hit Greig for five consecutive fours.

And its not just England and Australia but even players from other countries resort to such banter.

 Gavaskar had decided to relinquish his opening position and come in at no 4 for that test. But, Malcolm Marshall fired out Anshuman Gaekwad and Dilip Vengsarkar for ducks, setting the stage for Gavaskar to walk in at 0/2. Viv Richards quipped, "Man, it don't matter where you come in to bat, the score is still zero." Gavaskar made 236*

 In another instance, during the tour of West Indies, a young bowler was trying to get under Gavaskar’s skin by sledging. Gavaskar, a senior player retorted "Son, don't waste time sledging at me. I have been sledged at more often than you have taken a piss".

 Greg Thomas, a Glamorgan fast bowler, thundered in and beat Vivian Richards's bat. "It's red and its round. Can't you see it?" the bowler taunted. The next ball was precisely the same; pitching three quarters of length on middle and off, seaming away and once again Richards was comprehensively beaten. "It's red and its round and it weighs four-and-a-half ounces. Can't you see it?” commented Greg Thomas. The next delivery was right in the slot, and Viv smashed the ball out of the ground and straight into the river that flowed around it. The batsman then said to the bowler: "You know what it looks like... go get it!"

There are also instances when players wait for the opportune moment and give it back.
 Ian Botham had long ago remarked, "Pakistan is the sort of place every man should send his mother-in-law, for a month, with all expenses paid."
In 1992 World Cup Final, when Pakistan defeated England, Aamer Sohail said to Ian Botham on his way to pavilion "Why don't you send your mother-in-law out to play, she cannot do much worse."

 South Africa’s Daryll Cullinan is famous for being Shane Warne’s bunny. Cullinan was batting, attempting a comeback from a complete bamboozling from Warne in earlier games. Cullinan played the first ball from the kiwi bowler Chris Harris very carefully back down the pitch, and keeper Parore yelled out "Well bowled Warnie!"

There is no doubt that playing against Aussies can be daunting and indeed intimidating. Just check this out.

1. Australian fast bowler Glenn McGrath chided West Indian batsman Ramnaresh Sarwan "So, what does Brian Lara's dick taste like?" Sarwan replied "I don't know, ask your wife." McGrath lost his temper and yelled "If you ever fucking mention my wife again, I will fucking rip your fucking throat out!" (McGrath was upset because his wife had just been diagnosed with cancer)

2. Glenn McGrath to Eddo Brandes - "Hey Eddo, how come you're so fat?"
Brandes responds: "Cos everytime I sleep with your wife, she gives me a biscuit!"

3. Shane Warne: “I've waited two years for another chance to humiliate you.”
Daryll Cullinan: “Looks like you spent it eating. Go and deflate yourself, you balloon.”

4. “You convicts are all the same.” - Malcolm Marshall to Steve Waugh after he refused to walk.

5. Ravi Shastri v/s Mike Whitney the Aussie 12th man. Shastri hits it to Mike and looks for a single. Mike stops the ball and says "if you leave the crease I'll break your fucking head" Shastri: "If you could bat as well as you can talk you wouldn't be the fucking 12th man."

6. Inzamam-ul-Haq telling Brett Lee - "Stop bowling off spinners"

7. Shane Warne when bowling against Arjuna Ranatunga wondered aloud, what would draw him out of his crease. Wicketkeeper Ian Healy piped up "Put a Mars Bar on a good length. That should do it." Ranatunga not to be out done believed to have said "Then I’m sure Boony here will get it before me" referring to David Boon who was fielding at forward shortleg.

8. Merv Hughes & Javed Miandad: During 1991 Adelaide Test: Javed called Merv a fat bus conductor. A few balls later Merv dismissed Javed. "Tickets please," Merv called out as he ran around Javed. .

9. Merv Hughes was bowling to Hansie Cronje during a tour game in South Africa. It was an especially flat wicket and Cronje was hitting Hughes for fours and sixes all over the place. After the umpteenth boundary, Hughes headed down the pitch, stood near Cronje, let out a fart and said: "Try hitting that for six." It was five minutes before the guffawing stopped and play could resume.

10. Can you ever forget Ian Healy's comment which was picked up by the Channel 9 microphones when Arjuna Ranatunga called for a runner on a particularly hot night during a one-dayer in Sydney: "You don't get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat beep!"

11. Merv Hughes & Viv Richards - During a test match in the West Indies, Hughes didn't say a word to Viv, but continued to stare at him after deliveries. "This is my island, my culture. Don't you be staring at me? In my culture we just bowl." Merv didn't reply, but after he dismissed him he announced to the batsman "In my culture we just say fuck off."

12. Ian Healy asked Arjuna: "Got your legs shivering?"
Arjuna replied: "Yes, I’m tired after sleeping with your wife"

Sledging and abuse is very rampant between Pakistani and Indian Cricketers. And the best way to answer any sledging is demonstrated by none other than the ‘God of Batting’ – Sachin Tendulkar…

Sachin Tendulkar Vs Abdul Qadir - A baby-faced Sachin Tendulkar had just made his cricketing debut against Pakistan in 1989, when he was subject to abuse by his opponents and the crowd alike. Tendulkar was facing a formidable Pakistan bowling attack and the crowds were desperate to break him. They insulted him with banners that read "Hey kid, go home and drink milk", but when Tendulkar sent the then young leg spinner Mustaq Ahmed hiding for cover by smashing 2 sixes in one over, the frustrated mentor of Mustaq Ahmed the legendary Abdul Qadir barks "Why are you hitting kids? Try and hit me". A silent Tendulkar let his bat do the talking and duly obliged Qadir's request hitting 4 sixes in the over, which read 6, 0, 4, 6, 6, 6 - Many cite this incident as the day the legend was born!

Tasteless - The following style of sledging is unacceptable and must be condemned even by those who advocate its practice. Players caught using this style of tactic, risk hefty fines or suspension.

1993 - The Australian slip cordon allegedly greeted New Zealand batsman Chris Cairns with a chant of "Choo Choo" after his sister had just been killed in a train accident.

There is debate in the cricketing world as to whether sledging constitutes bad sportsmanship or good-humoured banter. As long as sledging involves real humour without any politics or racial abuse, it may continue. Ironically that is the kind of humor we are missing in today's cricket when nothing short of a crude family or racist reference and even expletives seems to satisfy few idiots masquerading as cricketers the world over. No wonder Gavaskar talks of severe punishment for those who use personal and derogatory abuse. Ironically sledging is intrinsic to some cultures, in sports like soccer and rugby and even part of daily lives especially in countries like Australia, South Africa, England and perhaps therefore difficult to avoid!.. But, “this ain’t cricket”.

Thankfully the game is always bigger than individuals! Even Robert Mugabe is reported to have said, "I want everyone to play cricket in Zimbabwe. I want ours to be a nation of gentlemen”. Well, so long as you have batsmen and bowlers who will retort to the sledges through their performance, cricket will continue to remain a Gentleman’s game!